Wednesday, February 15, 2017

What I learned from the passing of my dog.

Zeepee is a real joy to have around. The abundance of love and happiness he brought to our family is beyond words. There's a reason we all call him our little precious. :')

4th February 2017- heaven gained an angel.

Been almost two weeks since we lost our little boy ZeePee.

It will never again be the same; expecting our fur ball rushing out the gate as we reach home, waking us up with his barks on random mornings, hopping up the sofa squeezing around us for attention, hiding under tables after his tissue war.. Almost 8 years, these and so many other moments, are truly precious to our family, and i believe we can't quite stop talking about these beautiful times in many years to come.

Emotions aside, here are a few thoughts on something about life that my boy taught me. 


#1. Never take things for granted

From doing all we can to save him to losing him, it all happened in just one week.  It was very sudden and we were caught completely off guard.

It's cliche. The sudden loss of zeepee reminds me that many things are so fragile. In fact, everything is. 

It made me wonder how long more I've got somebody in this world and I just want to be as attentive to all as possible. It's when this understanding strikes that something you love dearly is gone forever, that you realized you would've treasured so much more before the loss.

I guess it's easy to take for granted the usual sights we are so used to seeing everyday, hence the intention to pull oneself back from time to time is really important. In terms of the willingness to stop as we get busy, and just take some time up to be grateful upon our present blessings does make a huge difference.

Rounding it up, not taking things for granted comes back to being aware and grateful about the things we are fortunate enough to have. Perhaps less assumption that these things will always be there, and do more of those that you'll be glad that you've done.  

#2. We are valued by our relationships with others 

Relationships are undeniably the bedrock of one's happy existence. So many people came to us after ahpee's passing. All kinds, from my relatives, to my parents' friends, my cousins, my friends, etc. They talked so much about the good memories they had with zeepee. Be it him being the constant feet-licker, treats barker, kid's toy, or as their simplest companion for tv shows.  

Thinking from zeepee's perspective, he must be one proud dog with his great skills to connect with all kinds of people through different 'roles'. It's like, he's happy about himself and enjoys every interactions he has with others. It's like, he's so open to all the possibilities of life and enjoys taking up roles that make senses to different people. In turn these have helped cultivated meaningful relationships with many around him. By meaningful i simply mean one that brings joy to both sides and one that people will remember him for.

It's true that you are not entirely defined by your relationships with others, it is also beyond doubt that it's the healthy relationships with others that makes one a valued whole. Think about it, isn't it nice to be a little more like my boy? Not about sniffing for treats 24/7 but being happy with own existence and build impactful relationships with those we come into contact with. It's not so much about being remembered, but making yourself a meaningful presence.


#3. To celebrate life more than we mourn 

It's indeed painful to learn that we've lost ahpee forever. Every now and then we still get teary eyes when we talk about him as emotions hit in. It's a lot about the acknowledgement of all big comfort this tiny creature once brought to us that stimulates the tear duct. I mean, what have we done to deserve this angel at home?

Zeepee had made us laugh so much; we are always excited to come home to him or to bring him out. He was a great companion. No doubt a wonderful listener who speaks through his eyes. He's afraid of cats, he once escaped a fight from some big dogs, he knows his way home, he prefers marble floor over bed, he loves his tit bits from japan, he kisses every visitors on their legs.. Any among many of these makes us smile. These beautiful memories are so worth celebrating, simply because of how they've made us so very happy. And we owe that to him.

Just looking at these we know there is so much more to celebrate out of zeepee's life. Yes we are sad to lose him, but what we will never lose, are these precious memories cultivated throughout his life. I guess it's important to not let the emotions of grief shadow all the joyful times we once shared. After all our sorrow should not keep us from living a full life, what's more a life with beautiful moments we'll never forget.

_________________________________________________________________________________

As I jot these thoughts down I hope I am reminded also, to always have the courage to face the worst and to be as strong as my boy.

Thank you, ahpee for joining our family. Thank you for fighting so hard on your battle for us. Thank you for making our lives even better.



*****

I remember this quote from one of the very first books I read,

"Dogs don't really need a long time to live. As they come to this world to love and have truly loved, their job is done and they will go."

I believe so.

And that's how I want to live my life too.


We love you forever, zeepee.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Oh, Nepal.

I've always wanted to go on another solo adventure. Three years after Sri Lanka, it's time.

It was a perfect timing. Post grad, before work and masters. I thought it's good to go get lost and find myself again before entering another phase of life. Afterall I'm curious to know and to feel what've changed in me in three years time too. teehee

This time round, hello Nepal!

My family and I helped out in this fundraising event for Nepal earthquake in August, and that's how I got linked to Sangye Choeling Monastery in Nepal. 
I want to do something, hence the thought of volunteering as a language teacher. Though it was quite a last minute plan, but it seems that everything else are ready and it's just me and my indecisiveness plugging the way. You know, about jumping into an unknown swamp after sinking in ma comfort bed for so long.

I'm glad I chose the swamp.


This is Sangye Choeling Monastery. The well-managed monastery sits slightly on the hill, it's peaceful up there, away from dust and noises. 

The everyday routine here is about the same. Every morning I wake up in the chanting mantra of the monks. It's really calming and beautiful to me. Their blessings to the world echoed around the monastery from 5.30am onwards. 

At 6am I'll follow the Lama for kora, a Tibetan buddhist practice in which people circle around sacred place while praying. In our case, it's the whole Swayambhu hill area. 

 Good morning Nepal.



I enjoy going morning kora (and had never missed any! :p)
I think I catch better clues about the true colour of Nepal and its people lifestyle every early morning. The morning vendors start working, the Nepalese army start jogging, bunch of monkeys hanging around, and many other locals doing kora as well. 







Nepal is a special place

The country is poor. Poorly maintained infrastructure, and is dark most of hours due to frequent electrical blackouts. One year plus after the disastrous earthquake and many places still remain choked with rubble, cracks on the buildings, ruins by the road.

It's dusty. The locals even call it a 'dust bowl'. Dust, dust, everywhere.







But, Nepal is so rich. Culturally and naturally. It's a potpourri of many different diverse ethnicity. Though being a homegrown Malaysian diversity is not something new to me, Nepal still surprises me with its complex mix of cultures, traditions, casts and languages.

And Nepal is so clean. Or I should say, pure with the strictly followed spiritual practices.
Religion is of paramount importance in Nepal. I've talked to the locals and witnessed this with my own eyes. It's reflected in their daily routine and also culture; that if I were to recap my journey in Nepal, the most regular scenes I have in mind would be the images of people crowding the spiritual places on a daily basis, citing prayers anywhere even by the road (a lot of them), big and small god statues everywhere, and also the elderly learning to read a mantra book.



                   
                   

It's funny how I like this country despite constantly getting itchy nose and sticky hair due to the dust. Hahaha! I think that's what special about this place. 
It goes beyond physical liking to appreciate the country's beauty. It's more towards feeling the very rhythm/ ohm (serious i think ohm is the word to describe XD) the country has to offer. 
It's the kind of country that brings your mind calmness despite its less pleasant physical impression. Truly one of a kind.



***************
Ahh these kids.
                               

I got questioned how's it like to teach monks. Ahaha. 
I have 31 students in total, and they are just like normal kids, or maybe slightly more disciplined. 
I have that one and two funny kids who are always cracking jokes in class, that few really shy ones who try to avoid every single eye contact, that one who always need to borrow friend's note to copy. All kinds. 

They can understand English hence we communicate in simple English. And many funny hand gestures and face expressions. XD



 I enjoyed every class with them. Enjoyed designing learning schemes, enjoyed making extra notes. Just the thought that what they learn today will benefit their teachings in the future excites me.

These kids have different backgrounds, some are orphans, some are from very poor family.
The only thing I wish I could change would be to spend more time with them. Their schedule is packed with different languages and Buddhist knowledge classes; and when they are free from learning, you'll see them playing football soooo happily.
A tiny regret would be not being able to spend months here until they truly master Chinese speaking. But I guess it's a good start. An unanticipated but good one.

'ni chi bao le ma?'
'wo chi bao le, lao shi. Dalbat hen hao chi.'

Really different settings this time, but the kids' appreciation and improvement. Worth all the effort.


****************



 I really like the idea of immersing myself in a new place's living. Live, ing. 体,验。

体验生活,实地领会。 

This adventure had brought me an experience I never thought I'll ever made my way into.
 Being around the greatest Lamas, learning about Buddhism, living back to basics. 
Not forgetting one of the best parts about travelling- listening interesting stories of different people around the world.
Again, reminded me that dreams are indeed there to be realized, abuden waste space in mind only hahahaha.

This journey had made me reflect a lotttt. I have new question in mind, which I have not found any answer to even now that I'm back. Heh. It's good tho. Good to feed my old soul again. Good to know myself even better now.

'The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.'

I always believe in this.


How lucky I am. Forever grateful to be able to experience life in different places.

Oh Nepal, thank you. 

***************

And to the wonderful people I met in Nepal;
Dichen, Lama Jopa, Lama Sherap, Lama Tender, Lama Wangdi, Sangye Lao Shi, Ani Tshering.
Thank you for making me feel warm in the cold weather. :')

                           



***********************************

So what have changed in these three years?

 Heheh. Nothing much, but good ones.  




Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Hello, sadness! :)


As a die hard Disney fan I knew I wouldn't miss Inside Out when i first watched its trailer. 
And yes! it's another brilliant production and the movie somehow, made a whole lotta sense to me.

So there are people who came and tell me,
'yuin there must be too many Joys in your head' ;
'you're just like Joy!!'

and when I get them to guess which is my favorite character in the movie, 
'JOY!'
'confirm is Joy lah'. 

                                                                                                            Hi Joy :b


But BAM! Even to my surprise, i got triggered by this character I'd never imagine myself seeing so much value in it, and it is sadness!

                                                                                      aww hi you cutie pie :3
        

The 1 hours and 42 minutes in cinema gave me a good slap. An enjoyable and convincing one. 


So this is the usual me.
Almost every time in life I'd choose to go for something good. 
Good as in the sense of something more positive, more cheery, less negative. 

And that pretty much explains why;
When a friend of mine shares her sorrow, I'll stuff her with hype with the intention to pull her away from the saddy pool. 
When i sense a little negativity coming from within or out, I'll turn away and facing it would always be my final option.

It might sound like I'm rejecting negative emotions, but to me it's more of a worry that facing or even accepting it will only drown one deeper in the emotion damp.


Now let's have a look at the movie itself. *spoiler alert!*


******
Remember how Joy finds sadness burdensome at first, and she's not allowed to touch the core memories, the headquarter buttons, and even gets her to just stay in her little circle for good?


Joy can't seem to see any value in sadness and is always trying to avoid sadness having any bump in the headquarter, ensuring her not having any real responsibility in Riley's brain. 
While sadness is always showing a more exaggerated thinking in every possible worst aspects,
e.g. that legendary 'I'm positive you'll get lost in there' when Joy tries to escape from the long term memory maze.

No, not this, we can't make this, it's my fault, i'm sorry. ah, so much negativityyyyyy
With other brain bunch not seeing sadness bringing any good to Riley, it's not surprising that sadness is the most unpopular emotion member in the headquarter.
But things change when Riley starts to feel multiple complex emotions when she tries to adapt to a whole new environment; fear, disgust, anger
With both joy and sadness started their journey back to the headquarter, this is when joy slowly realized the hidden potential of sadness in enriching Riley's overall happiness!
And here's one of my favorite scenes.
"You're sad."

When Joy tried so hard to put a positive spin on Bing Bong when he realized Riley may never remember him again; sadness, quietly sits by Bing Bong, thoughtfully listens to his stories, and by simply being empathic, sadness helps Bing Bong understand his own emotions, with the realization that there's someone else who cares about him.
And tadaa! Bing Bong recovers!

 *slap, piak*  


Joy was surprised, so am I!

Then while stuck in the pool of forgotten memories, Joy found a memory that started as sad but then turned to become happy.
And I guess it's now safe to say, if it's not for that sadness alert, Riley wouldn't know that she needs help. And if it's not because that she'd felt sadness, she wouldn't have learned to truly appreciate happiness.


 *slap, piak*  




So this is my biggest takeaway from Inside Out:

IT’S ALRIGHT TO BE SAD

Just like Joy, I learned the hard-hitting fact that, happiness is not all about good jolly joy, and it's absolutely okay to feel sad
In fact, experiencing sad can actually prepare us for more complex emotional challenges!

Proof: I came across this study about variety of emotions and their vital roles in ensuring healthy personal development. Do have a look at it here.


Also there's no need to force happiness and be too harsh over negativity. 

Truly embrace tough emotions, as the truth is, sadness is common and everyone feels it. 
As for one of the best ways to deal with this feeling is to articulate it right instead of suppressing it. 
At the end of the day,
you only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
So thanks the low, as you'll come back stronger for the seek of your high.



That's all bout my little sharing. I hope it makes sense to you as much as it did to me, and if you haven't watch Inside Out yet, I'm sorry to be sucha spoiler :b 


And with this I'd like to thank you you and you who've been there with me when I fell into my sadness pond, and always got me back up into my joyish home. I love you all ♥ :)



Monday, January 27, 2014

one dainty beauty


"Hello! :)" 
how're you doing?

I'm the story teller of the day and nice to meet you.

I don't know what's my name. 
but I know I'm a flower. A white and pure one.

annnnd this is me :D
I can't wave as i got no hands, can't talk as i got no mouth.
but that doesn't stop me from connecting with people!

I'm a flower, a gift of nature, a soul blossoming in nature.
I tell stories silently and through heart we shall connect. ;)

I feel, I'm a beauty -
one dainty beauty.

I speak from my feelings. and so I feel.
I might be daintily insignificant in this bushes of blossoming flowers. but I believe my fragrance does lighten up the shrubs a little. I believe I do bring meanings to this world, and I'm here to share some messages that are meant to be felt by the heart. 

Talking about beauty,

How do I feel beautiful?
This is me sunbathing. 
In case you can't see, I'm actually smiling! :)))

I feel beautiful when I'm with sunshine. 
that's what I love and I need. 

I feel beautiful when I'm free.
you don't have to pluck me off from my comfort bush. Give me time and I'll find my way out.

I feel beautiful with my gypsy sense of adventure.
Since I can't walk so I let the wind carry me. And whenever I land, that's where my new adventure begins.

I feel beautiful when I learn my attitude- Attitude of a flower it is. 
I've seen how attitude brings charm to the sprouting juvenile, a little element that brings a big difference. and that dawned on me, that the meaning of something really depends on my attitude towards it.
When I show passion, It is a passion. 

I feel beautiful when I am a gift.
Because I'm a flower, I'm destined to bring at least a smile to others.
when I'm a gift to this garden, when I'm a gift to a loved one.

I feel beautiful when I am valued.
I might not am the most outstanding one, but someone will see the light in me and pick me up when I fall.

I feel beautiful when I believe I am.
Of different definitions to beauty, I stand in my way and feel beautiful in my values.




There's nothing more glamorous than understanding beauty.
It is everywhere from the bloom to the wilt!
Seek them with your eyes open, feel them with your heart unshut.

I'm a flower, that is more than just a flower.

'Just living is not enough.. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.'
-Hans.


and heyy,                              

we are all flowers. :)

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Wake me up when September ends.

My first ever summer holiday has been a fruitful one :)

Was looking back at my phone's gallery, realizing how fast three and a half months just passed by like in a glimpse of an eye, meeting different people, learning new stuffs, empowering the inner-self, developing new feelings etc etc etc.

and i miss these people.
"Friendship through Sports"




and these people.



We had so much fun together and now half of the team had just graduated :(I miss our hardcore trainings our sing-K session our drinking session and makan time.
No matter where you people are, keep the charm in you and jump and shout and be real
-just like how we used to be!

Tri Campus Game 2013,
Memories secured.
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My Facebook is a rojak these few days. 
Some lose sight chasing after something, some struggling with their relationships, some complaining about their bad luck, some lose faith and getting stuck out of nowhere, some get tired of being helpful, and some thinking of giving up...
Hang on there ma friends! :)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll be starting my degree in two days time and I'm super excited about it! 
A decision I made for myself, and I shall go all out and have no regrets.
Teehee! a new start with so many possibilities! acaaaa I'm readyyy! :DDD
给自己打气!

把曾经最爱写的的抒情文    前几天全都翻了出来
很久不见  但还是很熟悉  很怀念!

好想再搭一趟轰隆隆的老巴士                                咻~         再来一次     一个人的旅行。

YEAY! 日子会过得很漂亮!家人 姐妹 朋友 加油!! :))))

Loves.

Beautilanka @Travelling! [SRILANKA III]

Stay with the local, among the locals, eat like a local, blend with the locals, realizing how beautiful they are, and at last love the locals, and love Sri Lanka.                  

I'd never known that Sri Lanka can be this stunning. 
Not many skyscrapers, not too wealthy, but massive ancient ruins, authentic sincerity and bona fide locals.




No fancy technologies, but tools for a simple life.




No colorful dress, but best smile best nude makeup.


I've been telling everyone that the best thing about Sri Lanka is the people and this is a universal truthhhhh! Random kids will just shout 'a-ki!' to you (which means sister in Sinhala) by the roadside and their parents will greet you and start a conversation with you! :)

And today I'm gonna reveal the most authentic Sri Lanka to you with all the random photos I took by the street/ while waiting for bus/ in the train/ etc etc! And also, introducing you the Beautilanka! :D

First of all, spot Sri Lanka at the bottom of India!
And now a close-up map of Sri Lanka with each place's tourism attractions!

My friends and I are free on weekends, so we will get our backpacks ready and off we go for weekend getaways!
These are the places that we'd been to and they are all amazing places to visit and thus i'm sharing them here! :D

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Oh before that, if you wonder how did we get to all these places which are located in different areas in Sri Lanka, it's via their public transports- either by train or by bus.

This is the train station in Colombo, the capital city of Sri Lanka.
Sri Lanka's railway system kinda links all the places together, it's really easy and convenient to just move from one area to another by train. As the train will pass by all the random lakes and paddy field and cottages, you can see all sorts of random and beautiful sceneries, accompanied by the SriLanka breeze and also experience the fun and 'bouncy' train ride! :b 
me myself love travelling in Sri Lanka train! 

Now imagine you're in the train.
You can see people,
You can see greeneries,
 You can see the sea,
 and you can see mountains.
Toooo beautiful to be true right! But these are really what I witnessed with my bare eyes when I traveled in train.
Very cool indeed! So take at least one train ride when you're in Sri Lanka!

and next, the public bus! (this is a picture from google- just to show you how the public buses in Sri Lanka look like)
I take public bus very often too, but as most of the buses are labelled by numbers instead of names of destinations, and are in Sinhalese words, plus you need to hop into the bus like super fast as the bus won't stop for more than ten seconds at one stop; it's more troublesome for foreigners like us.
For my case, I'll memorize the number of the bus i need to catch and hop in like a bunny and stay alert all the way to not miss my drop-off point.
This is the only picture i managed to take in the bus. There are a lot of buses but still the bus is alwaysssss crowdedddd. And this picture was taken when we were on our way back to Colombo from Trincomalee, which took us 8 freaking hours of journey. See my sisters all K.O dy hahahahaha
I still prefer taking train instead of bus but it's fun behaving like the locals and experiencing their daily practice! :D 

... then carry my backpack, up in my comfy jeans, sport shoes, a cap, an umbrella and off I explore Sri Lanka with my fav team!

I'd left my footprints at:

1. Sigiriya- The Lion Rock!!!
A MUST MUST MUST MUST GO!!! 
An amazing ancient city with interesting history, old frescoes, mirror wall, impressive water gardens and breathtaking view on the rock!
Sigiriya from far!

There was once a palace on the top of the rock and you'll have to climb all the way up!
The lion paws and stairs are still in good condition today! 
(Y)

"ROARRRR WE ARE READYYYYYY"

the beautiful garden complex.

wooots the entrance to the top of Sigiriya- the lion paws!!

Spot the staircases! 
In the midst of climbing...
Half way to the top- too beautiful lah the view i must take a photo first! :b

And hwainallyyyy! we reached the top of Sigiriyaaaaa!!
There are still some ruins on the top of the rock and it's really really worth climbing!!
Ah, that view! super beautiful! 
i feel bad enjoying such astounding views just by myself tho. :x
Yeay! I'm at the top of the world! bahahahahhhaa

2. Anuradhapura!
The first kingdom of the ancient Sri Lanka!


This old ancient city is really big! you have to either cycle or hire a tuktuk to finish seeing all the eight great places of veneration in Anuradhapura!


The eight great places: Sri Maha Bodhiya, Ruwanwelisaya, Thuparamaya, Lovamahapaya, Abhayagiri Dagaba, Jetavanarama, Mirisaveti Stupa and Lankarama.


If you love history, you'll enjoy looking around the ruins, the old dagobas and monastic buildings full with rich ancient scent in Anuradhapura! :)

3. Polonnaruwa!
The Second Kingdom of the ancient Sri Lanka!
stupid me accidentally deleted all the photos i took in Polonnaruwa and this is the only survivor of this tragedy :(
Polonnaruwa is another place of historical ruins, it's quite similar to Anuradhapura, many unique displays of rock art too! 

4. Galle & Hikkaduwa!!
Awyeah beeeeeeaaaaacccchhhhh!!


We stayed one night in Hikkaduwa, which is pretty near to Galle!
We went on a lagoon safari and it was fun!


"That's my island!" trollolololol
the fish doctor!!

 And we even went to the turtle farm!!!!
 These baby turtles were only one-day-old when we visited them!

AHHHHH SUPERRRR CUTEEEEEE *pull hair* 

 family portrait at Oh Yes Beach House!
(thumbs up up up for their awesome management and lovely hospitality! price is very reasonable too!)

5. Trincomalee & Nilaveli !!
Another beachy getaway! :b

Trincomalee is located at the east coast and its Nilaveli is a beach lover's heaven!
we walked around Trincomalee just to see a more 'localized' beach town. 

 A very failed jump shot in front of the Trincomalee fort. HHAHHAHAHA!

and surprisingly! you can see beautiful deers here and there by the beach in Trincomalee town!

the sri lankan style to keep the fish fresh!

NILAVELIIIIII BEACHHHH!!! :3

we had so much fun in Nilaveli!!

Tried kayaking for the very first time! :D(Pictures taken by Sarah's mum who joined us to Nilaveli beach!)

i don't know how many times we fell into the sea as the waves were too strong!
But we were pro enough to control the kayak at the end and we started our kayak-race
 and it was really really funnnn!!

Chillin' at the swinging net with my favorite people and favorite book after one whole afternoon of craziness in the sea, dayumm :3

While waiting for the bus back to Colombo!

we were all tanned and worn out after Nilaveli's one day trip but it was just merry and amazing! :D


6. Pinnaluwa Elephant Orphanage!

IT'S ALL ABOUT ELEPHANTSSSS!



my first time seeing so many elephants, feeding baby elephants, and riding an elephant!!

ahahaha sho cute!!


7. Nuwara Eliya!
It's just like Malaysia's Cameron Highland! aka 'Little England'. 
Famous for its tea plantation, cool and pleasant highland climate, and Britishful club houses.



  



We visited an old British club house, got treated with simple lovely tea, had fun outside the garden, 
feeling Britishful B)



    Trying to act high class but i obviously failed T.T HAHAHAHAHHA

  love the weather!

:3


8. Serella Falls!!
This was the last place I visited before I flew back to Malaysia. Together with papa & mamapu who insisted to bring us to this not-so-public-place- The Matale Serella Falls!
Woahhhhhhhhhhhh
was indulging in this wonderful senerity ...
and the next thing happened was me falling into the water because the rock was too slippery!
LHAO (laugh Hira's ass off) 

swimming Hira is a happy Hira! :D


WHEEEHEEEEEE!


my mama puuu! <3 br="">



Of family, fun and love, they mark the end of my weekend travelling diary! 
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These are all the recommended places that you got no reason to not visit when you're Sri Lanka!
Sri Lanka is defo a nice and worth-adventuring country to go backpack around! 
There are still many wonderful places in Sri Lanka that I didn't get to visit but still I'm very happy that I get to cover three-fourths of them! :D

Now that you've seen all these beautiful pictures of Sri Lanka, do not miss any chance to travel to Sri Lanka, and
Go experience the beautilanka yourself! :))))
woohooo im a happy srilanka ambassador! :b